Standing on the precipice

Quite literaly. Once upon a time I contemplated suiside, I was standing very near the edge of a very scenic bluff at a state park where I grew up. Yesterday, I was back standing in that same spot, during part of a hike me and the Mrs. decided to go on to strech our legs. A flood of memories returned, I as I stood in that spot and remembered everything. If you are a reader of my blogs you know how my memory works, everything played out just like a movie. But this time, Mrs. Kimpak was there next to me, and I could see the things that are good in my life. My friends are awesome, Mrs. Kimpak is awesome, and as much as I biatch about it I do have a decent'ish jorb.

I did ponder though what would have been diferent had I decided to do a tripple gainer off the bluff. How would the world be different, like the cliched christmass movie "Its a Wonderfull Life", or "A christmass Carol". People would have been more sad I think at my loss than that of Scroodge I'm sure, but would it have really mattered? IDK, I think it would, I hope I have touched a few lives for the positive in my exisiance.

The best part about standing there though, was the feeling I got. I've contemplated suiside often between that time and now. At that time I stood there and had no fear of falling, I would have stepped off w/o a second thought, what kept me from going over is a long story in and of itself. This time, I stood there and was afraid I might slip and fall. This is came as a shock and great happiness for me. It seems such a simple thing, but to me it means my life is now worth something to me. I'm not just existing anymore but am actually once again a part of the world even if sometimes I don't see it. So next time I'm feeling depressed, I can now think of that spot and realize its not so bad, I can make things workout for the better.