Blah

So, I need a semi obscure outlet and this is it. Facebook has gotten too mainstream so I can't really let on there, waaay to many people would be upset. Anyway, I've been depressed as all hell. No idea why. There's no reason that I know of, I haven't changed anything. There's just this...demon that continues to gnaw at me...the same one from my youth. I've gotten quite good at hiding everything, keeping it all hidden inside. Mrs. Kimpak wouldn't understand, she hasn't in the past so I can't really tell her, plus she's been going though a lot herself. So, I have to be strong for her. Sometimes it seems I have to be strong for everybody. I don't want to burdon anyone with my stupid random depression. I'm not particularly suisidal or anything, but just unhappy...so I just go on.


I suppose everybody is like this from time to time. That doesn't really help me though, no matter how much I tell myself. I can see the demon manifest itself in different ways. I can't watch a movie, or a tv show that represents certain subject matter, I have to turn it off or it tears me apart. Hell, that even happened during a commercial....a friggen commercial! Not good.

Writing has always helped a little bit, so this is what that is. Just some random free writing. Not sure why I'm putting it on my actual blog, other than it somehow seems more real this way. To pretend someone randomly read it and gives a crap, even for just a moment.

I dont' want to get on the cart

Well as usual, I'm not dead yet. I am, however, lazy. I did do a blog over at my My Space page. I may have been under the influence of the good Captain at the time. But it still holds true none the less.

Lately I've just gotten a particularly severe pang of wanderlust. I just want to go somewhere, and be away for a while. Somewhere far away. Farther than a drive. Sadly, this of all years, I won't get to go anywhere far. So I'll have to make due with the overwhelming sameness of my surroundings.

I think I get these feelings because I'm still running away. Running from everything that holds me back. Mainly my past, my present, my responsibilities. I suppose we all feel like that from time to time. I just feel so imprisoned, going to work, coming home, watching tv, sleeping, going to work, coming home, watching tv, sleeping in perpetuity. I'm not made for this, I seek adventure. I want to boldly go where no one has gone before, etc.. But, I can't.

The fact of the matter is that life doesn't really exist. Travel is expensive, and dangerous. Even if I won a major lottery, I bet something else will prevent me from pursuing my own interests.

Right now its especially hard. Many people I know are either already on, about to, or will be traveling soon to their own adventure. I am insanely jealous. I'll see the pictures soon, all the places I wish I could have gone. Where will I go? lol, I'll be lucky to get anywhere farther away than Omaha.

Oh, well. I stay sane though. Mrs. Kimpak is, as always, the light of my life. I definitely picked the right girl.

Two Dreams

Today, I'm writing just to be writing and last night I had two distinct vivid dreams.

The first. I was some kind of rescue worker with an independently run ambulance of some sort. We got a call that there was a fire at an older lady's house. Fortunately it was just down the block from where we were. When we get to the house we don't see a fire but see some smoke. Upon further investigation the smoke wasn't caused by a fire but by some sort of snake that can emit smoke as a defense mechanism. The lady that lived in the house kept it as a pet, along with two cats. The old lady herself was a bit befuddled, not quite all there but was very passionate about this cat that she saved. It was a mangy white cat, missing a bit of fur but was healthy and friendly. I found that to be oddly specific in the dream, me analyzing the cat.

The second dream invoked more emotion than I'm usually used to in a dream. I was in some town by a coastline, but I wasn't from there. I fell in love with a girl named Florence (which I think actually in my mind means Italy not an actual person). I felt deeply connected with this girl, and worked hard to earn her trust. The day finally came and we admitted our love for one another, but also on this day I learned she was part of a cult-like group, who was planning on doing a mass subside that very day. Here's the odd part, I wasn't upset. In fact I loved this girl so much that I stood beside her and was ready to die with her. The group went to a pre-arranged place by the ocean where the deed was to be done. It was in a building, with only one exit. Everyone lied down and was ready to do the deed, and everything was quiet...then at the last moment someone panicked and ran, which caused everyone else to realize what they were about to do and they panicked too. Now there was a mass run toward the exit, ironicly people were getting trampled and killed. But I knew this would happen somehow, the girl and I were first in the line which meant we were in the back of the room in safety. I stepped in front of her so she didn't have to see the carnage, but I knew we would be safe if we just stayed where we were.

Well that's it. Not sure if dreams really mean anything or if they are just pure random imagination. But every now and again when you have that particularly vivid dream.....you have to wonder.

Managing IT

This is half rant, half seriousness. The world, and particularly the company I work for need to catch up on the times and learn how to deal with technology professionals. I’m going to be making some generalizations here but don’t be offended. The first rule for management is this, understand your employees. IT professionals took charisma as a dump stat, we are not salesmen, and in general don’t communicate with non-tech people so well, one minor exception is those of us who chose tech support as a trade. We have the patience (most of the time) to deal w/ the computer illiterate and can usually come up with some easier to understand lingo. That being said, we still are not sales people and we don’t give a shit who you are or how important your term paper is or how much money you’re losing because your internet doesn’t work. IT people’s thinking is based on logic. We will take the path of least resistance and go to whomever we know will get the job done and beaurocracy be damned. Respect is earned, not based on your position in the company.

Now what can you learn from those generalizations? First, to keep us happy all you have to do is have some simple recognition, a sincere pat on the back or some token pizza party can go a long way. Treat us like adults, don’t micromanage and restrict this and overrule that, just let us do our job unhindered and we will do it. Last, if you want to be respected and if you want us to come to you for help and whatnot you have to establish yourself as a person who will actually get things done. Just because you are a lead or a supervisor doesn’t mean you know shit about anything. If people are not coming up to you to ask questions, chances are this means that those people either know, or think, that you do not have the answers. If you don’t have the answers, you shouldn’t be in the position you are in.

Now with respect to hiring IT, and I’m going to get specific to the company I work for. The art of the interview is outdated for IT. Once again we don’t have charisma, generally speaking, so we are not going to do well in your traditional view of an interview. Generic questions like “where do you think you’ll be in 5 years” or “what would you do in this hypothetical situation that would never happen” are bullshit and you know it. Stick to technical questions, weed out the posers and keep the knowledgeable. Not the other way around. Tech support and logic is something that an IT person just knows in the core of their being, it can’t be learned on the job to extent that we have. In other words, don’t hire someone just because they have a flashy smile and a sliver tongue and believe they will just learn as they go. If they don’t already know, then they will end up being mediocre at best. Don’t hire tech support reps, then treat them like customer service reps. Yes, we do talk to customers; but they are calling us to fix their shit, not sell them new services and doing so is annoying to the caller at best and insulting at worst. I understand the need to make sales, but you already have several sales-related departments that do specifically that, let them do their job and let us do ours.

Now back to the interview process, specifically for internal positions. Stop the bullshit! You already hired us based on our original interview, so stop it with the bullshit hypothetical’s and generic “if you were a part of a bicycle what would it be” questions. We know its all a game, and the answers are made up anyway. You know it, I know it, everybody does it, so just get rid of it. Stick to tech-based questions, and given by other IT personnel who actually understand the lingo. The questions themselves should be directly related to the job, don’t make it a game or a big secret. Its not a quiz show people, it’s a career. If a person doesn’t get the position, then asks later what they could have done better, answer them so they can work on whatever it is they did wrong for the next time. Don’t make it some big secret, because that is going to lead to mistrust (and long blog posts, heh). When someone gets promoted who has been with the company for less than a year, over someone who has been here for years and is also fully qualified….one starts to wonder what exactly is going on behind the scenes. Rumors start, conspiracies fly and you add one more straw to the camels back, maybe the last one that causes your seasoned veteran to bail and go to another company. In the end, the customer is going to suffer.

Anyway, that’s my rant. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but I needed to get it out of my system. Also, if anybody reads this and has recently been promoted *wink* its not directed at you or anybody else.

15 minutes of idiocy

First read this.

Once again for those too lazy to read, Google is being forced to release the IP and email addy for an anonymous blogger because they said some nasty things about some random ageing model, who once their true identity is revealed will, I’m sure, get sued by said models lawyers for whatever trumped up charges they can think of.

First of all, this is bullshit. The things that were said were nasty but ultimately harmless especially since the blogger was just some random anonymous blogger (like myself). If this was a mainstream blogger with a modicum of influence on the market, maybe I could be convinced that the things said could be damaging, but its not. The only reason this is an issue is because, I’m sure the model’s handlers simply want some limelight, stretch out that 15 mins and feed off what’s left of her popularity.

Here is what is going to happen. They find out who the blogger is, then open a defamation lawsuit and throw the book at them. The blogger will then have to pay exorbitant lawyer fees to fight this frivolous lawsuit which the prosecutor has no hope of winning in an actual court. They can’t win because, in order to win a defamation case the prosecutor has to prove that some damage was done, they have to prove it was intentionally done and if they try to throw libel in the case, they have to prove the things said were lies. Can’t be done. However, the defendant still has to go to court, pay all their lawyer fees just to fight the stupidity and end up paying either way. So the blogger will get screwed over financially either way.

This is an attack on free speech, an attack on common sense and an example of how truly greedy people really are. Also I think this is a prime example of how we need to change the tort laws of our nation. In my opinion the only thing we need to do to prevent frivolous lawsuits is institute a ‘loser pays’ policy. Meaning whoever loses a given case must pay the other’s court and lawyer fees.

Warning Politics ahead

The Economy

Double blog post today, lucky you! However its going to be about politics, sorry.

The economy. It sucks. Why does it suck? Well there were many factors, but here it is in a nutshell, Subprime mortgage lending fiasco + greedy execs + greedy politicians + MASSIVE government spending plans + public paranoia = bad economy.

Let me ask you this, are you happy with your elected officials? Do you trust them to make the hard decisions facing our state, our nation, even if it means they might not get elected the next time around? If not, why not? The answer I hear all the time is, well nobody good ever runs for office. Why is this? I think its because we have let our political system get out of control. Why should we let these guys, who have never run a business outside of a law firm, who don’t have a clue how an economy works other than what they may have learned in a classroom, run our country. They are running it into the ground if you ask me. And now the president is considering another ‘stimulus’ package.

I call shenanigans. Given Obama’s current projected budget deficit for 2009, it breaks down into the government spending something like $53,609 a second. That’s right, per second. By the time it takes you to read this blog, the government will have spent more than any of us will make in several years of gross pay! Common sense tells us that when we get into debt, the only way to get out of it is to stop spending, cut the fat and start paying it down. But the government seems to think that spending more is somehow a solution to all of its problems. And the sad fact is the American public is buying it, they’re drinking the Obama flavored cool-aid. Now I’m not saying the American public is all stupid, but its just the mass marketing of it all. People in general just want to stay in their own comfort bubbles, worry about themselves and their families and just accept what the government does is good because they don’t know any other way.

Another problem. Its called tyranny of the majority. I don’t want to Godwin the blog, but this is exactly what happened in Nazi Germany. Remember Hitler was loved by the public, he was in the majority and the Germans believed in him and followed him. Some Germans knew what he was doing was wrong but they were in the minority, so they were ridiculed; beat up or worse so they kept quiet for the most part. I’m not saying we are exactly the same, I don’t belive Obama is going to be invadeing Poland anytime soon, but what I am seeing is him promising the world and the people buying into it. Destroying the very things our country was founded upon, namely limited government. Take this healthcare program he is proposing. In his ideal bill, it will include a ‘public option’ namely something like Medicare, for the masses. I think we can all agree that our current healthcare system is broken, but is this really the way to ‘fix’ it? Who’s going to pay for this program? What is it going to mean for the thousands of people currently employed by insurance companies? This issue hits very close to home, since Des Moines has such a huge stake in the insurance business. I don’t have a solution for the current system though, but I do know the federal government was never meant to provide that service. If any government was involved it should be a state issue, not a federal issue.

People these days are used to getting a handout. We are now a generation or several generations that now have the belief that the government should provide everything, we shouldn’t have to do anything ourselves because its too hard and inconvenient. I admit I slipped into this trap for awhile. But no more, my eyes are open. In my opinion, and our founding father’s collective opinions, government should have a very, very limited role. I can’t stress this enough. But again, getting this form of government means we as a people need to make some hard choices, we need to step out of our comfort bubbles. We need to stop putting 100” plasma TV’s on a credit card, we need to stop buying McMansions, we need to take control of our own lives, and most importantly take back control of our government.

What can we do? Well it’s true, a single person can’t do a whole lot, but if this movement gets going, one person can become two, two can become four and so on until we win. I’ve talked about a revolution before in a previous blog, and I think its coming sooner rather than later. What we need to do is vote, not for the congressperson who can bring us the most pork, but maybe for the underdog. We need to find our own leaders, and get them to run for office. I wish I could be one of those, but I’m sadly under edumacated for that and would be no better than who we have currently, heh. But I am willing to follow and promote for one who could fill those shoes. Another thing you can do is pay attention to the issues of the day, of what’s important to you and important to the nation. I’m not saying become an expert or read the papers religiously everyday but at least know what’s going on so you can make informed decisions, and most importantly get out and vote in every election. It’s the only way we can make our voices heard. Lastly, I would recommend reading at least a little of what our founding fathers wrote about the nation. I know that’s quite boring, but ya never know, you might actually find it interesting and take a sense of pride in knowing things for yourself rather than relying on the news or someone else telling you.

State of the Onion

I haven’t blogged in a long time. A lot of it has to do with my last blog post about Rusty. I still miss the big guy and some days its just too hard to wrap my mind around the fact I won’t be able to do anything with him anymore. But I know he wouldn’t want me to get stuck, but to move on and so I shall. But Rusty will always be alive in my heart.

So this is mainly an intermediary blog to get me back into the grove before I go ranting about politics or society or whatever happens to be grinding my gears for the day. Getting back on the proverbial horse.

In my life everything is going relatively well. Mrs. Kimpak and I are doing great. The garden is growing. Some of the house work is being a pain in the ass, but it will be great when we are finished. Drama factor is low, which is good. So, IDK why the heck I’ve been somewhat depressed lately. Well I guess I really do know but cant’ really find a solution for it. As retarded as it sounds it all stems from events that took place in 1999 to 2001ish. Yes, that was my senior year of high school and some of my college freshman years. Those were the three years that would define who I am for the rest of my life really, and all the complications that went along with it. The whole story is too boring to tell here but suffice it to say they left their mark, probably more than anyone knows. So how do I fix that? I can’t go back to 1999 in my Delorean and fix everything (mostly because I don’t think you can really get a Delorean up to 88mph). So what to do. I’ve had counseling, I’ve read books, I’ve heard motivational speakers and its helped somewhat. I have a great wife who doesn’t completely understand I’m sure but is very supportive. All of that has helped, but I still have relapses. Maybe it’s a curse of having a photographic long term memory. I can still remember and see events that have happened long ago. So all that is as fresh today as it was many years ago.

I don’t know maybe I’m just being emo and QQing in the corner or whatever. I’m sure I’ll snap out of it till the next time it happens.