Player Character that is. I thought I’d take a minute and give my advice on how to be a better player character for D&D or any other pen and paper RPG. First I’d like to point out this is purely my opinion. Every person is different and will play their characters differently, so take these ideas or leave ‘em, its up to you.
First, and I consider this to be most important, don’t be a munchkin. What is a munchkin? A munchkin is a player who min/max’s stats, taking a 5 charisma to make a 30 strength or something equally stupid. A munchkin is someone who pores over every obscure book looking for feats, skills, magic items to make their character do something unbelievably lame, like being able to boost the jump skill enough to jump 40’ in the air and land harmlessly. Or manage to tweak battle stats to deal 200 hp of damage every hit and crit on a 10-20. Its about as much fun as playing a video game with the cheats on…its not. Some kids like that sort of thing I guess, but it completely breaks the balance of the game, thus making it extremely lame for those of us who don’t tweak.
Second, don’t be afraid to participate. The more you engage yourself in the storyline the more enjoyment you are going to get out of the game. There is an RPG club that always runs a tournament at GenCon called NASCRAG (National Society of Crazed Gamers) who advance you or your party they base it off how you played your character not how far you advanced in the module. This is great fun. Make up a voice, try out an accent, get into the role.
Make up a history for your character and let your DM know what it is. J.R.R Tolkien’s stories are so great because he came up with a 500 year history of middle earth. Therefore each character had a complete history with genealogy and everything. You don’t have to be that detailed, but try to come up with something, at least how and why you chose your particular character class. What things lead you up to this point in your career. Do you have an ultimate goal? What motivates you to do quests? Do you have any family still alive? Do you have an arch enemy? Or you can go a different direction, your Jason Bourne and just woke up one day and know nothing about your history, you have all these skills but don’t know how you got them and are now desperately searching the world for answers to your past. A good DM can take any of those elements and run with it, making the game more memorable and fun for all.
Understand the class you are playing and don’t just stick to a cookie cutter model. Don’t be just a big dumb fighter for instance. Look at all of your skills and feats and pretend you’re MacGyver and those are your random tools. What can you create with a matchstick and chewing gum? For example, I had a Dwarven fighter that eventually was going to prestige class into a Dwarven Defender. Fighters don’t get much for skill points and have a very small selection of what they can choose, one of those is craft. Nobody takes craft, so I decided to take it, what the hell. And it turned out that our characters were fairly poor, I would find a scrap metal and craft it into armor, then one of our party members with a high Charisma would talk it up and sell it for a nice profit. BTW the character was female and my character made her a chainmail bikini to help w/ the Cha check, lol. Anyways, that’s just an example of how I took a usually crap skill and turned into something awesome for the party. Also make sure you carefully read all of your class’s special abilities and feats so you can take full advantage of them. Look for skills and feats that compliment your class. Learn how all the special combat actions work, bull rush, sunder, cast defensively, trip, disarm and overrun. Even if you don’t have the improved versions of these as a feat they can still be performed and can save you in a sticky situation.
Work with the party. Game sessions can get tedious if you stay in the background and plot to backstab the party. The exception is if that’s what the campaign is specifically designed for, if it isn’t you’re just annoying everyone and bogging down the game. Barring the specific evil campaign, I find that working together as a party to accomplish tasks is a lot of fun. This is very important so read the next sentence twice. Don’t be a rules lawyer! If you have a great memory or otherwise have nothing better to do than memorize obscure rules or every spell description in the game, keep it to yourself unless asked. Too many rules will also bog down the game and finding loopholes in the rules is like using an exploit in a video game, its cheating. The rules of DnD are just guidelines, they are not the gospel. There are only two solid rules to remember. Rule number 1. The DM is always right. Rule number 2, if the DM is ever wrong, refer to rule number 1. If the DM has to hack the dice, or has to tweak a rule or simply unaware of a rule and breaks it anyway…let it be. Now, even more annoying is when you pull rules on other players. I was in a game like this once and everybody wanted to kill the bastard. For instance, my wife who was a Ranger cast entangle in a cave, the DM didn’t even think twice and started rolling saves for his monsters. With out skipping a beat our friend the rules lawyer pipes up “You can’t cast that spell in doors because there are no plants around”. Shuddup your mouth, the DM was already letting it slide and you want to gimp your own party due to a technicality. Later that same game our Druid cast call lightening again the DM started rolling saves and again the rules lawyer pipes up. “You can’t cast that indoors” However this brought the game to a screeching halt because now everybody had to look the spell up because we were all pretty sure that you could, indeed cast that spell indoors. Turns out we were right and he was wrong. Now why would you argue against your own party? You’d be surprised how many people want to follow every letter of the rules. I urge you not to. In my games if it takes longer than a couple minutes to look it up, we make it up.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The almighty D'Ehm.
Here's a bit of relief. This post is not a rant for once. I thought I'd share a little bit of my experience as a Dungeon Master and give a few tricks of the trade for any budding young DM's out there.
First an outline of typical DM n00b mistakes.
1. Over/underpowering the party.
You've just gotten yourself your first party, they of course are all your friends and you want to be the awesomest DM ever so you give them all 18 stats and a pile of artifacts. Sure you’re players will at first think they are awesome but soon it becomes a burden to you as a DM, because now you have to figure out what this super party is going to go up against and still be challenging. Alternately you might fear the first scenario and lean toward the other extreme and giving your players all 10’s and allowing only a loin cloth and a stick for a weapon. Mages can only pull rabbits out of hats and produce seemingly endless piles of hankies from their sleeves. My suggestions: Stats, I tend to run mid to high power campaigns so I give my players the option to use 85 stat points (average stat of 14) with a max of 18 + racial bonus in any one stat, or the option of rolling 4D6 take out the lowest roll and can re-roll up to three 1’s. If they decide to roll I make sure they have at least a couple stats above a 14 by either boosting their highest roll or allowing a full re-roll. As for equipment, 1st and 2nd editions was a bit easier since each magic item had a related XP value, which gave it an indicator of what level of character would typically have access to a particular item. They did away with this in 3rd edition so it gets a bit tricky and mostly you have to learn this through play testing and experience. I usually go by these general rules. Level 1-4, mundane equipment, a couple scrolls for the casters, maybe one masterwork weapon or armor. Level 5-9, I usually allow a +1 weapon and/or armor and able to find up to a +2 or rare +3 with related misc magic items. Level 10+ usually I go w/ a +3 weapon/armor and 2ish misc magic items. These are just general guidelines, I’ll allow or deny items based on the party’s location and circumstances as well.
2. Unpreparedness.
This seems like a no brainer, but there are some aspects of preparing that are easily missed, and sometimes I even make this mistake. First, make sure you have a decent plot outline setup before play starts. Its not always necessary to plot every little detail or even necessary to write it down. But it certainly helps. Now what isn’t always obvious is what the players are going to do. I’ll give you an example, a good DM that I was a player in set up this vast elaborate dungeon with a huge deadly maze as its centerpiece. Our goal was to obtain some object or some such. We walked in discovered we were in a maze, then we simply had our druid cast Find the Path spell and boom, hours of preparation for our DM wasted as we found the easiest route through the maze in a matter of seconds. Now an inexperienced DM will be frustrated beyond belief because they have nothing more to offer the characters. There are a couple of solutions to this, one always have at least one idea in the back of your mind that you can pull out as an impromptu plotline just in case your main plot falls through. Also make sure you know at least generally what all the core spells for each casting class can use, you can use this knowledge against the party too. For instance, in the case of the maze you can quickly BS the fact that mysteriously the maze is engulfed in an anti-magic shell spell or something similar. If you allow the party to use stuff from other books be sure to read their spell sheets before the game so you know what they are capable of.
Those are the typical n00b mistakes, there are others but not as big of an issue. It also helps to have a decent grasp of miscellaneous rules like grapple or bull rush, or at least know where in the book you can quickly look it up. I also have a personal rule that if it takes longer than a couple mins to look up a rule I generally make at least a temp house rule to cover it.
Tips on campaign building.
Don’t get too elaborate, the party will often times not follow exactly what you have planned so don’t plan too much, try to make your world as sandboxy as possible. Nobody likes an extremely linear game. That’s not to say you can’t throw an occasional plot stab (not hook) their way to make them do something specific, just don’t over do it. When building a dungeon, think of a few things. Why did the NPC’s pick this place for their stronghold? How would you really defend it if you were actually there? Where do they sleep? Where do they poop? Is there an escape route? If you use traps, do the NPC’s have a way to get themselves around them on a daily basis or are they theoretically running a gauntlet every time they walk down the hall? Minor details like these really make a dungeon stick in peoples minds and makes it that much more realistic. When planning on making a whole DnD world to campaign in, make sure you at least have a general idea of what the temperature is like in various regions, politics, rivers/streams and mountains flow in the right directions. Keep the world small, maybe just stick to one continent or a small portion of a continent. The events that took place in Lord of the Rings for example took place in a very small area of the world. Its also good to have a list of random names you can just pull out if you have to create an impromptu NPC shopkeeper or something.
Last bit of info is a little touchy, and that is crowd control. Games of D&D should be fun, first and foremost so always remember that. Inevitably a game will degenerate into a side tracked conversation about something else, or someone tells a story about something or other. Allow this to happen, and don’t get frustrated but gauge the conversation and when you can interject, throw in a “meanwhile, back at the ranch” and go around the table and call for character actions to pull everyone back into the game. Make sure you ask everyone so their properly re-engaged in the game. I find this to work very well and keeps things very organized as an added bonus. Be wary though, its easy for a game to get derailed for hours if you let it and everybody walks away feeling like nothing got accomplished. Also make sure everyone gets involved in the game. Try not to set up a dungeon crawl where the fighters are kicking ass but the mage and the cleric are sitting somewhere in the background playing cards while everyone else does the butt kicking. Try to setup encounters where everyone’s skills are needed to survive. Setup a history and background for each character that you can draw from and sprinkle little bits of story here and there. A group will always remember that character even when the campaign ends if it has a history, or if only they could solve a particular puzzle.
Well that’s about all I can think of for now. Maybe I’ll revisit this topic some other time. My next one will be how to be a better player. Cheers!
First an outline of typical DM n00b mistakes.
1. Over/underpowering the party.
You've just gotten yourself your first party, they of course are all your friends and you want to be the awesomest DM ever so you give them all 18 stats and a pile of artifacts. Sure you’re players will at first think they are awesome but soon it becomes a burden to you as a DM, because now you have to figure out what this super party is going to go up against and still be challenging. Alternately you might fear the first scenario and lean toward the other extreme and giving your players all 10’s and allowing only a loin cloth and a stick for a weapon. Mages can only pull rabbits out of hats and produce seemingly endless piles of hankies from their sleeves. My suggestions: Stats, I tend to run mid to high power campaigns so I give my players the option to use 85 stat points (average stat of 14) with a max of 18 + racial bonus in any one stat, or the option of rolling 4D6 take out the lowest roll and can re-roll up to three 1’s. If they decide to roll I make sure they have at least a couple stats above a 14 by either boosting their highest roll or allowing a full re-roll. As for equipment, 1st and 2nd editions was a bit easier since each magic item had a related XP value, which gave it an indicator of what level of character would typically have access to a particular item. They did away with this in 3rd edition so it gets a bit tricky and mostly you have to learn this through play testing and experience. I usually go by these general rules. Level 1-4, mundane equipment, a couple scrolls for the casters, maybe one masterwork weapon or armor. Level 5-9, I usually allow a +1 weapon and/or armor and able to find up to a +2 or rare +3 with related misc magic items. Level 10+ usually I go w/ a +3 weapon/armor and 2ish misc magic items. These are just general guidelines, I’ll allow or deny items based on the party’s location and circumstances as well.
2. Unpreparedness.
This seems like a no brainer, but there are some aspects of preparing that are easily missed, and sometimes I even make this mistake. First, make sure you have a decent plot outline setup before play starts. Its not always necessary to plot every little detail or even necessary to write it down. But it certainly helps. Now what isn’t always obvious is what the players are going to do. I’ll give you an example, a good DM that I was a player in set up this vast elaborate dungeon with a huge deadly maze as its centerpiece. Our goal was to obtain some object or some such. We walked in discovered we were in a maze, then we simply had our druid cast Find the Path spell and boom, hours of preparation for our DM wasted as we found the easiest route through the maze in a matter of seconds. Now an inexperienced DM will be frustrated beyond belief because they have nothing more to offer the characters. There are a couple of solutions to this, one always have at least one idea in the back of your mind that you can pull out as an impromptu plotline just in case your main plot falls through. Also make sure you know at least generally what all the core spells for each casting class can use, you can use this knowledge against the party too. For instance, in the case of the maze you can quickly BS the fact that mysteriously the maze is engulfed in an anti-magic shell spell or something similar. If you allow the party to use stuff from other books be sure to read their spell sheets before the game so you know what they are capable of.
Those are the typical n00b mistakes, there are others but not as big of an issue. It also helps to have a decent grasp of miscellaneous rules like grapple or bull rush, or at least know where in the book you can quickly look it up. I also have a personal rule that if it takes longer than a couple mins to look up a rule I generally make at least a temp house rule to cover it.
Tips on campaign building.
Don’t get too elaborate, the party will often times not follow exactly what you have planned so don’t plan too much, try to make your world as sandboxy as possible. Nobody likes an extremely linear game. That’s not to say you can’t throw an occasional plot stab (not hook) their way to make them do something specific, just don’t over do it. When building a dungeon, think of a few things. Why did the NPC’s pick this place for their stronghold? How would you really defend it if you were actually there? Where do they sleep? Where do they poop? Is there an escape route? If you use traps, do the NPC’s have a way to get themselves around them on a daily basis or are they theoretically running a gauntlet every time they walk down the hall? Minor details like these really make a dungeon stick in peoples minds and makes it that much more realistic. When planning on making a whole DnD world to campaign in, make sure you at least have a general idea of what the temperature is like in various regions, politics, rivers/streams and mountains flow in the right directions. Keep the world small, maybe just stick to one continent or a small portion of a continent. The events that took place in Lord of the Rings for example took place in a very small area of the world. Its also good to have a list of random names you can just pull out if you have to create an impromptu NPC shopkeeper or something.
Last bit of info is a little touchy, and that is crowd control. Games of D&D should be fun, first and foremost so always remember that. Inevitably a game will degenerate into a side tracked conversation about something else, or someone tells a story about something or other. Allow this to happen, and don’t get frustrated but gauge the conversation and when you can interject, throw in a “meanwhile, back at the ranch” and go around the table and call for character actions to pull everyone back into the game. Make sure you ask everyone so their properly re-engaged in the game. I find this to work very well and keeps things very organized as an added bonus. Be wary though, its easy for a game to get derailed for hours if you let it and everybody walks away feeling like nothing got accomplished. Also make sure everyone gets involved in the game. Try not to set up a dungeon crawl where the fighters are kicking ass but the mage and the cleric are sitting somewhere in the background playing cards while everyone else does the butt kicking. Try to setup encounters where everyone’s skills are needed to survive. Setup a history and background for each character that you can draw from and sprinkle little bits of story here and there. A group will always remember that character even when the campaign ends if it has a history, or if only they could solve a particular puzzle.
Well that’s about all I can think of for now. Maybe I’ll revisit this topic some other time. My next one will be how to be a better player. Cheers!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Its not a phone booth!
First in tribute to the first snowflake to fall I give you this.Click me I'm funny!
Which is a good segway into my topic,asshat drivers and particularly ones who cross double white lines. We have traffic laws for a reason, and as you know a double white line, means DO NOT CROSS ME!! Yet lately I have seen people in increasing numbers completely disregard this simple little rule. One even very nearly avoided an accident, crossing over the white lines, merging much too early and causeing people on the highway to slam on their breaks, the person in the lead's breaks locked up and started to skid crazily. Fortunately no one was hit and the asshat drove on w/o a care in the world, probably didn't even see the chaos left in their wake. So, please, please do the world a favor and never cross the white lines, unless its an abosolute emergency and you are very aware of your surroundings and all aspects of traffic coming and going.
My second road ragey rantiness is cell phone drivers. People, you're not Dr. Who, you are not driving a phone booth, its a car. Its a deadly weapon. Some people its not too big of a deal, they seem to be able to multitask better than others. On the other hand you have these teenage valley girls, ear glued to their iPhone that daddy bought driving down the bypass going anywhere between 40 and 75 mph, depending on if they are going up a hill or not. I don't want to be too hypocritical though, on one job of mine at one point I was on two cell phones (both hands free, but one earbud in each ear), and randomly typing a password into a laptop when I got disconnected. That wasn't by choice though, one a test was started I couldn't stop my car for more than a few seconds or the test data would be all screwed up. But that being said, I did make sure I knew where all the vehicles were around me before doing what I needed to do. If I deemed the situation too unsafe I decided it was better to have screwed up data than myself or someone else in a casket.
Winter is here, don't be a tool, drive safe. Drive smart.
/rant
Which is a good segway into my topic,asshat drivers and particularly ones who cross double white lines. We have traffic laws for a reason, and as you know a double white line, means DO NOT CROSS ME!! Yet lately I have seen people in increasing numbers completely disregard this simple little rule. One even very nearly avoided an accident, crossing over the white lines, merging much too early and causeing people on the highway to slam on their breaks, the person in the lead's breaks locked up and started to skid crazily. Fortunately no one was hit and the asshat drove on w/o a care in the world, probably didn't even see the chaos left in their wake. So, please, please do the world a favor and never cross the white lines, unless its an abosolute emergency and you are very aware of your surroundings and all aspects of traffic coming and going.
My second road ragey rantiness is cell phone drivers. People, you're not Dr. Who, you are not driving a phone booth, its a car. Its a deadly weapon. Some people its not too big of a deal, they seem to be able to multitask better than others. On the other hand you have these teenage valley girls, ear glued to their iPhone that daddy bought driving down the bypass going anywhere between 40 and 75 mph, depending on if they are going up a hill or not. I don't want to be too hypocritical though, on one job of mine at one point I was on two cell phones (both hands free, but one earbud in each ear), and randomly typing a password into a laptop when I got disconnected. That wasn't by choice though, one a test was started I couldn't stop my car for more than a few seconds or the test data would be all screwed up. But that being said, I did make sure I knew where all the vehicles were around me before doing what I needed to do. If I deemed the situation too unsafe I decided it was better to have screwed up data than myself or someone else in a casket.
Winter is here, don't be a tool, drive safe. Drive smart.
/rant
Friday, November 7, 2008
Leet Haxzor Skillz
Clicky here!
First, read the article its pretty good. If you're lazy (shame on you), basicly its about defensive computing and how some computers are too important to be linked to the interwebz.
Well the election is over so I don't have to rant about politics for the time being, I can focus on more interesting topics. Today its going to be computers and computer security. So Obama and McCain's campaign computers were haxzored, idiots. Its tards like that, that irritate the piss out of me, people who don't take computer security seriously or just plain don't want to understand the risks involved. They think, hey what a convienience we'll just link all this data up and slap on a cheap VPN system and call it 'safe'. Then, when inevetably their system is compramised they act all surprised, "I don't know how this could possibly happen, I mean we had a password with a capitol letter and everything." First, just assume anything you have networked to the webz is hackable, or better yet just assume its wide open and everything on it is viewable to the public. Now take a look at whats on that 'pooter and ask yourself if you want the public looking at it, if the answer is no then don't network it via interwebz, especially if you or your company is high profile. Even the most sophisticated security models can be comprimised, as it all comes down to the weakest link...the lUsers, who leave their passwords as 'default' or 'password' because they don't give a shit if the company is hacked.
As far as home computer security is concerned, your computer is fairly safe as long as you are not an idiot. Don't click on the flashy banner add to win an iPod, don't surf pr0n sites. If you follow safe browsing habbits, you wouldn't even need to have a resource-hungry antivirus. However, pr0n might be too tempting so I would suggest having a seperate computer outside the in the DMZ side of your router w/ file shareing turned off.....not that I do that sort of thing of course
Back to Obama and McCain though. What a bunch of tards, I bet they honestly thought they were 'safe' too. Who knows what data is out there now, maybe some foreign national has some dirt on Obama that could be used for blackmailing our country? Or when companies get compramised who knows how many SSN #'s or credit card #'s get released. Please, I plead w/ you big companies who haz my info's, "Keep your shit on your intranet, and don't put it even close to a web server or VPN box. Not even in the same room." Ok thats a bit extreme, but still.....
First, read the article its pretty good. If you're lazy (shame on you), basicly its about defensive computing and how some computers are too important to be linked to the interwebz.
Well the election is over so I don't have to rant about politics for the time being, I can focus on more interesting topics. Today its going to be computers and computer security. So Obama and McCain's campaign computers were haxzored, idiots. Its tards like that, that irritate the piss out of me, people who don't take computer security seriously or just plain don't want to understand the risks involved. They think, hey what a convienience we'll just link all this data up and slap on a cheap VPN system and call it 'safe'. Then, when inevetably their system is compramised they act all surprised, "I don't know how this could possibly happen, I mean we had a password with a capitol letter and everything." First, just assume anything you have networked to the webz is hackable, or better yet just assume its wide open and everything on it is viewable to the public. Now take a look at whats on that 'pooter and ask yourself if you want the public looking at it, if the answer is no then don't network it via interwebz, especially if you or your company is high profile. Even the most sophisticated security models can be comprimised, as it all comes down to the weakest link...the lUsers, who leave their passwords as 'default' or 'password' because they don't give a shit if the company is hacked.
As far as home computer security is concerned, your computer is fairly safe as long as you are not an idiot. Don't click on the flashy banner add to win an iPod, don't surf pr0n sites. If you follow safe browsing habbits, you wouldn't even need to have a resource-hungry antivirus. However, pr0n might be too tempting so I would suggest having a seperate computer outside the in the DMZ side of your router w/ file shareing turned off.....not that I do that sort of thing of course
Back to Obama and McCain though. What a bunch of tards, I bet they honestly thought they were 'safe' too. Who knows what data is out there now, maybe some foreign national has some dirt on Obama that could be used for blackmailing our country?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
God Bless Amerika, comrade
Ok, I spose thats taking things to the extreme but I thought it was a humerous title. Well We have a new president. Not the one I was hoping for but, none the less its someone new. I will stand by Obama as best I can. Who knows maybe he will surprise me and do a much better jorb than I am expecting. I just hope his socalistic views are not implemented, or implemented to firmly.
It is a great success though for America in general. In the past Barak wouls have been nothing more than a slave, barely even worth mentioning on the Census, let alone run for president. Now he is the leader of the free world, hopefully it remains that way. one good thing, acording to the national news, most of the rest of the world supported Obama. So, at least, we will look slightly better on the world stage. We definately do need a facelift on that front. Hopefully Obama can make the diplomacy checks the world throws at him witht that high charisma score.
I urge all of you too, if Obama wasn't your first choice. At least give him a chance, don't throw him under the bus just yet. If nothing else, if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, we can at least say "I told you so" in 2012 when the next election comes around.
It is a great success though for America in general. In the past Barak wouls have been nothing more than a slave, barely even worth mentioning on the Census, let alone run for president. Now he is the leader of the free world, hopefully it remains that way. one good thing, acording to the national news, most of the rest of the world supported Obama. So, at least, we will look slightly better on the world stage. We definately do need a facelift on that front. Hopefully Obama can make the diplomacy checks the world throws at him witht that high charisma score.
I urge all of you too, if Obama wasn't your first choice. At least give him a chance, don't throw him under the bus just yet. If nothing else, if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, we can at least say "I told you so" in 2012 when the next election comes around.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Standing on the precipice
Quite literaly. Once upon a time I contemplated suiside, I was standing very near the edge of a very scenic bluff at a state park where I grew up. Yesterday, I was back standing in that same spot, during part of a hike me and the Mrs. decided to go on to strech our legs. A flood of memories returned, I as I stood in that spot and remembered everything. If you are a reader of my blogs you know how my memory works, everything played out just like a movie. But this time, Mrs. Kimpak was there next to me, and I could see the things that are good in my life. My friends are awesome, Mrs. Kimpak is awesome, and as much as I biatch about it I do have a decent'ish jorb.
I did ponder though what would have been diferent had I decided to do a tripple gainer off the bluff. How would the world be different, like the cliched christmass movie "Its a Wonderfull Life", or "A christmass Carol". People would have been more sad I think at my loss than that of Scroodge I'm sure, but would it have really mattered? IDK, I think it would, I hope I have touched a few lives for the positive in my exisiance.
The best part about standing there though, was the feeling I got. I've contemplated suiside often between that time and now. At that time I stood there and had no fear of falling, I would have stepped off w/o a second thought, what kept me from going over is a long story in and of itself. This time, I stood there and was afraid I might slip and fall. This is came as a shock and great happiness for me. It seems such a simple thing, but to me it means my life is now worth something to me. I'm not just existing anymore but am actually once again a part of the world even if sometimes I don't see it. So next time I'm feeling depressed, I can now think of that spot and realize its not so bad, I can make things workout for the better.
I did ponder though what would have been diferent had I decided to do a tripple gainer off the bluff. How would the world be different, like the cliched christmass movie "Its a Wonderfull Life", or "A christmass Carol". People would have been more sad I think at my loss than that of Scroodge I'm sure, but would it have really mattered? IDK, I think it would, I hope I have touched a few lives for the positive in my exisiance.
The best part about standing there though, was the feeling I got. I've contemplated suiside often between that time and now. At that time I stood there and had no fear of falling, I would have stepped off w/o a second thought, what kept me from going over is a long story in and of itself. This time, I stood there and was afraid I might slip and fall. This is came as a shock and great happiness for me. It seems such a simple thing, but to me it means my life is now worth something to me. I'm not just existing anymore but am actually once again a part of the world even if sometimes I don't see it. So next time I'm feeling depressed, I can now think of that spot and realize its not so bad, I can make things workout for the better.
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